heres a great joke:
r u ready?
BOB DOLE
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heres a great joke:
r u ready?
BOB DOLE
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A homeless man asks another man for two dollars. The man says "Will you use the money to buy booze?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't drink." The man then asks "Will you use the money to gamble?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't gamble." So the man says "Do me a favor and come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble."
A man calls his wife at work and tells her "honey... I have some bad news. We just won the 3 million dollar state lottery." and the wife replies "Bad news? How is that bad news! We can finally live out our dreams!" to which the man responds "The payout is 3 dollars a year for a million years."
A man joins gambler's anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it.
A man walks into a poker room and notices two men and a dog playing poker. The dog was playing exceptionally well and the man comments "Wow, that's one smart dog!". "Not too smart." one of the men at the table replies. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."
Why did the elephant not like playing poker in the jungle? Because there were to many cheetahs.
How can you get a sweet and gentle old lady to say the word "fu@k"? Get another sweet and gentle old lady to yell BINGO!
AK: Anna Kournikova. Looks great. Never wins.
sticks and stones break my bones but if they do I'll kill them.
ooh yeah show me a joke!!
i was going to say a gay joke butt fuck it
.One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
lol very funny
A young man was drafted into the army. He was upset about it so he wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During his physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?"
"What letters?" he answered slyly.
"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?
damn thats funny
Two cowboys, Zab & Lilg, riding across the plains. Come across a sheep with it's head stuck in a fence. Now it had been many months since these cowboys had even seen a woman, so Zab says "Hell with it. I'll just close my eyes and pretend it's my sweet BettyLou back home!". So, he gits down off his horse, pulls his pants down, and starts going at it with the ewe.
When he's done , looks back at Lilg and asks, "Ain't you gonna git summa this? Lig's eyes get big and he exclaims, "Hell yeah!". He jumps down from his weary steed, pulls his pants down. And sticks his head in the fence!
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
two men walk into a bar, and get head trauma.
An elderly woman was driving her husband in the country when she was pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer stepped out of his car and quizzed the old woman. "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
"What did he say?" said the woman to her husband. The husband shouted: "He says you were speeding." "May I see your license?" said the officer.
"What did he say?" said the old woman.
"He wants to see your license," shouted the husband.
She handed the officer her license. The officer studied it carefully.
"I see you're from South Carolina," he said. "I spent some time there once, had
the worst sex with a woman I've ever had in my life.""What did he say?" said the old woman.
The husband yelled: "He thinks he knows you
good job
:)))
wow thats funny as shit lol
bob dole
What do you call a dead blonde under the porch? ------> Last year's hide-n-seek winner!
whats the difference between a smeer test and rape?-----------> women dont enjoy a smeer test BOOM
most of my "humor" comes in the form of demotivational pictures and not for the easily offended
A dick has a very sad life...
his hair is a mess
his family is nuts
his neighbor is an asshole
his best friend is a pussy
and his owner beats him..
Wanan hear a funny awesome joke??? : WOMENS RIGHTS
hate the joke, love the line "dont be sexist, bitches hate that" ;))
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've seen, I said. That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.
The man turned to me and said:
- Yeah, it is. He hated the book.
:))
knock knock, whose there .................................................. .......................
Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.
that is grosssssssssssssss
here's a joke....lol, you're game! lol
my frd status on fb. two ways to describe a beautiful girl 1) Damnnnn 2) Godamnnnn
heres a joke take a look at some of the people on here,i mean really what are they talking about?
A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around. '"