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  1. #1
    PokerOwned God
    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    the official carbon rhyme thread

    i had queens, you had kings you went all in which was so sick, sometimes merge you really can suck my d%%k...

  2. #2
    PokerOwned Master
    Join Date
    Aug 2011

    They felt poor, oh so poor, Joseph Miller and his daughter
    It's no fun getting funds pestering people through phones
    She spent four years in dorms - biggest gift he ever bought her
    In return all that they earned seemed to go to student loans

    She would smile sorting files at her mindless occupation
    Inside she cried and would've liked a stiff drink
    She hoped for a promotion so she'd use her education
    That was not what she got, her paper was pink

    She got fired, things were dire, what were they to do?
    They looked on Craigslist (Yes, that desperate) for a financial guru
    All promised maximum funds - one had minimum spin
    It was written by a little man called Rumpletiltskin

    He said when one is ready to get out of debt
    Stay far from the market - that's not a safe bet
    And it is less of a gamble by far
    To be a Full Tilter or a Pokerstar

    But he didn't suggest that anyone ought
    To gamble online without being taught
    How to make a buck become at least two
    And teaching is what he offered to do

    She said she had no funds with which to pay
    He replied that's no surprise and that's okay
    She just had to say that she'd give him the mon-
    Ey that she earned from her first tourney won

    He taught her patience for the poker grind
    Helped her see how to handle the blinds
    Taught her the odds for hands of all kinds
    Not just handling cards, but playing with minds

    Then she spun a few tales - she majored in writing
    After six tries she sold one, that was exciting
    Since the publication of her literary voice
    Let her make a deposit at the site of her choice

    She dove in and strove to apply what she'd learned
    A little dough was lost and a little more was earned
    Low limit games with a conservative style
    Meant she would not make much for a while

    But the style she chose was the right one to choose
    She was in it to win not for fun on a cruise
    No retries, no re-buys, not much she could lose
    The bigger the risk, the bigger the bruise

    She took some blows and losses started to mount
    Half the funds gone from her poker account
    Up against slow-played aces she hit quads with her jack
    And so she doubled her stack and she didn't look back

    Next few weeks brought bad beats but most of those hardly dented
    Her account but her wins were big so her bankroll was augmented
    Unable to hop clubs by night she hoped for clubs by day
    Until she'd earned enough to attempt tournament play

    Sometimes bad luck made her bust out quite soon
    She would start at eleven and be done before noon
    But when she reached final tables with a chip lead
    She would choose to lose - success led to greed

    But she didn't need to tank more - so she thought
    Because if she won, how would she be caught?
    So she tried a hundred percent, and her first victory meant
    That she got a free ride to poker's main event

    It was a dream come true, she felt ten feet tall
    Then her phone said unknown number so she ignored the call
    The message left was short but it wasn't so sweet
    It said she made a deal and could not keep her seat

    She picked up the phone she was tempted to smash
    And screamed at her teacher that she hadn't won cash
    He said that it is no matter - "a win is a win
    The seat has worth and thus belongs to Rumpletiltskin".

    But she wouldn't give up, her tone became frantic
    They argued the law and they argued semantics
    Each showed steel resolve that was not gonna melt
    At last they opted to settle the spat on the felt

    Not a normal game since someone could suck
    Out on the river and win just from luck
    But she could re-claim the seat for her own
    By guessing his hole cards before they were shown

    The game was heads up hold 'em - no bust outs, just rebuys
    As for guessing his hole cards, she'd only get three tries
    She needed to make at least one guess per day
    There were limits to how long Rumple could stay

    On the third hand the small man made ample re-raises
    So she made her first guess, and it was "pocket aces"
    Then he laughed and guffawed, almost crashed on the floor
    Then turned over his cards, showed a jack and a four

    The second try came after an hour has passed
    When they both got their cards, Rumple mucked them quite fast
    She felt by this time she was onto his tricks
    And guessed aces again, but he showed her eight six

    The clock tocked and ticked as she got her butt kicked,
    It was hard not to assume
    That the odds of a guess being right were much less
    Than that of kings using a broom
    Her hard-earned online pay was swept away
    As our heroine could not help but lose
    The small man kept grinning and spending his winnings
    At the hotel bar drinking booze

    And as he was drunk, she passed him on his cell
    Laughing to a friend about a tell
    Which he believed she'd never guess
    And what she heard Rumple confess

    Was that when eights were what he happened to hold
    Rumple would shiver slightly, as if it was cold
    But if not looked for it would be hard to detect
    So the tournament seat seemed quite safe to expect

    Hours later, play was painful, she was once again short-stacked
    But during the betting she detected a tremor and decided to act
    With no better option to avoid defeat
    She guessed pocket eights and won back her seat

  3. #3
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    the official carbon rhyme thread

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