An old woman says to her friend: ?You know, last night I was shivering all over from cold.?
Her friend: ?Do you remember if your teeth chattered??
The old woman: ?I don?t think so. We haven?t slept together for ages.?
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An old woman says to her friend: ?You know, last night I was shivering all over from cold.?
Her friend: ?Do you remember if your teeth chattered??
The old woman: ?I don?t think so. We haven?t slept together for ages.?
The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'."
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantation asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.
The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it balance!"
Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see... mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?"
"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"
maybe putting them all in one thread would be much easier for ya.
that wad dumb but wha t the heck ahhahaahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahahahahahahahah
waste of my time....not funny
t was cute thanks for sharing
Ok interesting and yes thanks for sharing lol
not funny
Idk why you didn't just stick this in the joke thread
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
wow nice one, you took some time thinking that one up
this idea just might work.....when i am 60 i will try lol
lol.... pretty funny.
Johnny, on his deathbed requested his wife: ?When I am no more, please marry Watson, I implore you.?
Wife: ?That Watson? But you have always hated him from your heart.?
Johnny: ?I still do.? And fell dead
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
A ventriloquist was performing on a stage making fun of one and all in the audience. Suddenly a Sardar from the audience shouted at the stage: ?You there, you have made enough fun of us, Sardars. Stop it, or I will have to stop it for you.?
The ventriloquist was taken aback. Still he tried to sooth the enraged Sardar: ?Easy man, take it easy. There is no disrespect meant. Jokes are jokes after all.?
Sardar: ?You keep out of it. I am talking to the little fellow hanging from your hand.?
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Really Funny Jokes
Welcome to Really Funny Jokes and Hilarious Jokes. Please bookmark us and visit daily for free jokes.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Really funny jokes-Worried CEO
A CEO has his business going well, but he's a bit worried. He decides to check the competence of his employees.
The first person he meets is his assistant:
- Oh Miss, I'd like to ask you just a question. How much make 2+2 ?
- Yes Sir. Do you want a detailed memo on that?
- No, just answer the question.
- Well, I think it's 4.
Then he goes to the computer tech:
- Hi John! Just a question. Can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
John runs Excel, and after five minutes answers:
- It is 4.00 E+0, but I'm not sure, the support staff should come tomorrow. Will I ask them to check it?
Then he goes to the accountant:
- Hello mister, can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- Well, well, I know I'm late. I'm sorry. I didn't already collect all the data, neither check all the accounts. But I can estimate it now between 3.196... and... let's say... 5.659. But I'll be able to make a much more accurate estimate within two weeks!
A bit disappointed, he goes to the sales manager:
- Hello Bob, could you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- So... How much do you think it makes?
- I ask you to answer.
- Mmh... you don't want to tell me your price. You want me to make an offer. - Indeed.
- So, let's say 6! No, excuse me, you're not that kind of man, you know the market. I sell it to you for 5.25, and that's the price I' make for my best friend!
Then he goes to his lawyer:
- Good Morning Mister. Can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- Right now?
- Yes!
- So, at first I would say 2, but I'm convinced that with a good preparation, we can get 3!
And, finally, he goes to the actuary:
- Hello Sir, can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- Of course. It is... It is... Mmmmh, well, how much would you like it to make?
0 comments
Labels: Clean jokes, Office jokes, Really Funny Jokes
Very funny jokes-hate Watson
Johnny, on his deathbed requested his wife: ?When I am no more, please marry Watson, I implore you.?
Wife: ?That Watson? But you have always hated him from your heart.?
Johnny: ?I still do.? And fell dead.
0 comments
Labels: Good jokes, Hilarious jokes, Really Funny Jokes
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Hilarious jokes-Carry a flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
0 comments
Labels: Good jokes, Hilarious jokes, Really Funny Jokes
Sarsar jokes-Offence
A ventriloquist was performing on a stage making fun of one and all in the audience. Suddenly a Sardar from the audience shouted at the stage: ?You there, you have made enough fun of us, Sardars. Stop it, or I will have to stop it for you.?
The ventriloquist was taken aback. Still he tried to sooth the enraged Sardar: ?Easy man, take it easy. There is no disrespect meant. Jokes are jokes after all.?
Sardar: ?You keep out of it. I am talking to the little fellow hanging from your hand.?
0 comments
Labels: Clean jokes, Really Funny Jokes, sardar Jokes
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Really funny jokes-Morty the producer
Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, what's it gonna be Heaven or Hell?" Morty asks, "What's the difference?" Sid says "Take a look at the monitor over here."
Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss. Morty turns to Sid and says "Well that's nice. Pretty boring but nice. What's Hell like?"
Sid tells him to look at the other monitor. Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time.
"This is great!" says Morty. "I think I'll try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow. Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell.
When the car stops at hell the doors spring open. Morty looks around from the elevator doorway and is shocked at what he sees. Everywhere are people burning in agony, screaming in pain, drowning and suffering. There are laughing demons with pitchforks piercing their skin. Its horrible, disgusting. Morty presses the up button and goes right back to Sid."
"What is this!? Hell is nothing like you showed me on the monitor! It was awful down there!"
Sid says, "You mean that monitor?"
"Yes," says Morty.
"Oh, well, that was just the pilot."
Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, what's it gonna be Heaven or Hell?" Morty asks, "What's the difference?" Sid says "Take a look at the monitor over here."
Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss. Morty turns to Sid and says "Well that's nice. Pretty boring but nice. What's Hell like?"
Sid tells him to look at the other monitor. Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time.
"This is great!" says Morty. "I think I'll try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow. Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell.
When the car stops at hell the doors spring open. Morty looks around from the elevator doorway and is shocked at what he sees. Everywhere are people burning in agony, screaming in pain, drowning and suffering. There are laughing demons with pitchforks piercing their skin. Its horrible, disgusting. Morty presses the up button and goes right back to Sid."
"What is this!? Hell is nothing like you showed me on the monitor! It was awful down there!"
Sid says, "You mean that monitor?"
"Yes," says Morty.
"Oh, well, that was just the pilot."
ave you heard about two Swedish pals who claimed they were hunters? Once they decided to go to Norway and buy a bird dog. When they found the shop, they decide to test the dog. They did and the result was disastrous. They felt their journey to Norway was in vain.
One friend: ?This is deceit. We might as well return the animal. Let us drop this idea of buying a bird dog.?
Second friend: ?Yeah pal, you are right. We will make one more attempt and throw the dog in air one last time. If he doesn?t fly this time too, we will leave him alone and return.?
lol the new ones are alot better ahhahahahahhhhhahahhaahhahahaahahh
I like this one, stupid cops!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by benspocket
haha thats a good 1 quite enjoyed that 1
hahahahaha its funny
lol hahah
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Two cows were talking in the field one day.
First Cow: "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"
Second Cow: "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"
Why do giraffes hate to play poker?
Because you can't shake a tree without a bunch of cheetahs falling out.
bad ones,
good one
xD
contaria chistes pero solo me se en espa?ol u.u
very Funny:D:))) ahahha
ahahaha)))) so not funny)))))))
no funny:P
not funny
hahaha very funny video THANKS FOR POSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAD A NICE TIME WATCHING IT
I do not understand it very well :(