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  1. #1
    Its 2016. Poker is Dead NeilZelkin's Avatar
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    Coupon Update!!!!

    As we all know, today has been a dark, dark day in the short and irrelevant history of Online Poker Pioneer www.pokerowned.com---www.getpaidtotry.com. Due to a cyber attack launched on its megapowered server located in lovely Detroit, Michigan dozens of die-hard online poker players from all over the world were blocked from obtaining one of the most sought after items in the entire poker world, A POKER OWNED TOURNEY ENTRY TICKET COUPON, since late morning.

    The affects of this brazen act of computer terrorism were tragic and far-reaching. Over 23 bored, lonely, mostly male, and hardly employed people with a passion for poker that borders on lunacy were left heartbroken, and in one case, a poker junkie became emotionally shattered (rcktwranglr) that he has been taken to the New Hampshire State Prison Mental ward for observation. Initial reports state that this rcktwrangler shattered like a bottle hitting marble floor leaving the inmate in a chronic vegetative state.

    An unnamed source from the Pentagon told me that it appears to be the work of a Sudanese band of nomadic Cyber Scum hell-bent on disrupting the newly created state of South Sudan. Named SHIIT (Sudanese Hackers Interested In Trouble) this motley crue of Muslim Technological Crusaders specializes in busting through the most hardened firewalls to unleash their own brand of terror, today's victim the lifeblood of the online poker universe, POKER OWNED. With little more than a few camels, a refurbished Dell Laptop powered by solar panels and a pentium 2 processor along with a wireless modem obtained on the Sudanese black market the desert savvy collection of computer hooligans have managed to stop the POKER OWNED machine right in its tracks.

    "The events of today remind me of another day long long ago," quipped President Obama during a hastily called press conference called to discuss the developing situation. "A time when a little man called David toppled the mighty giant Goliath. Many thought, myself included thought Poker Owned was too big to fail. Well today my Fellow Americans, Poker Owned has failed. Thus, I have authorized the full use of any and all of our nation's weapons to seek out and destroy the individual or group of individuals that has authored such a dastardly attack."

    MORE developments when they become available.
    Last edited by NeilZelkin; 08-27-2012 at 06:43 PM.

  2. #2
    PokerOwned God
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    Thanks for the update. lol Sound like a news caster, you should apply.

  3. #3
    Its 2016. Poker is Dead NeilZelkin's Avatar
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    Although reports are still sketchy at this point CNN's Wolf Blitzer is reporting that Navy Seal Team Six was mobilized and deployed by helicopter in the Sandy Desert of Central Sudan where they were met by Sudan's Elite Force of Fighters known as the Camel Jockeys. A drone aircraft combing the region for signs of SHIIT located a suspicious group of men holed up in a grove of Palm Trees 35 miles east of the joint force's deployment zone. The Seals and Camel Jockeys launched an attack shortly thereafter resulting in the violent death of four as yet unnamed individuals thought to be connected with SHIIT.

  4. #4
    Its 2016. Poker is Dead NeilZelkin's Avatar
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    A little background.


    Sudan has been at war with itself for almost its entire post-colonial history, starting in 1956. After decades of fighting for independence from the north, southern Sudan seceded on July 9, 2011, and became the Republic of South Sudan, six months after nearly 99 percent of the region’s voters approved the split in an internationally backed referendum.

    The south’s departure did not put an end to conflicts. There were many unresolved issues, and Sudan and South Sudan soon began squabbling bitterly over how to demarcate the border and share oil profits. (The conundrum of the two Sudans is that both countries are extremely dependent on oil, but while the export pipelines run through the north, the bulk of the crude oil lies in the landlocked South, which seceded from Sudan last year after decades of guerrilla war.)

    Complicating things even further was a fierce rebellion in the Nuba Mountains, which lie just across the border in Sudan. The Nuban fighters had been close allies of the southern rebels, and there was evidence that South Sudan’s new government was covertly supplying the Nubans with money, tanks and militia fighters. At the same time, Khartoum seemed to be covertly arming ethnic militias in the south that had killed thousands in the past few years, making a mockery of the South Sudanese security forces.

    In January 2012, after having failed to reach an agreement with Sudan on a pipeline fee, South Sudan abruptly cut off all oil production, beggaring the economies of both countries. Fighting erupted along the border in April, and many people feared that the two sides were sliding again into a war that could ripple across East Africa.

    In April, vicious north-south fighting broke out along the border. Despite boasts by Sudan’s president, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, that he had “fertilized the soil with their dead,” South Sudan surprised many by seizing Heglig, one of the last oil fields Sudan still has.

    Finally, after the highly divisive oil issue nearly drove the two countries to war, both Sudan and South Sudan reached a deal on oil pipeline fees in early August 2012.

    After some not-so-subtle pressure from Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, who visited Juba, the capital of South Sudan, on Aug. 3, the Southern Sudanese increased the amount they were willing to pay Sudan, which controls the pipelines for export.

  5. #5
    PokerOwned God LvegasL1's Avatar
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    I think you better put down the crack pipe!
    "Maybe Poker's Just Not Your Game"

  6. #6
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    Wow sorry to hear that thanks for letting us know.

  7. #7
    PokerOwned God Drywallman3's Avatar
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    man Cubs fan you were extremely bored....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz drooool

    20:58 <Poof> I would trade my husband for gisele
    18:37 <thepokerkid> @thepokerkid: and stop thinking about gay things

  8. #8
    Elite PokerOwned Member
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    thats a funny story i wasnt around then

  9. #9
    Its 2016. Poker is Dead NeilZelkin's Avatar
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    Its hard not to be after spending a few minutes following the inane conversations going on today in the chat box.

  10. #10
    PokerOwned God LvegasL1's Avatar
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    Either clean it or put it down!
    "Maybe Poker's Just Not Your Game"

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